Ted and Joan
by daydreamer-022
Summary: [COMPLETE] Only two parts. Lilly enlists the help of Mia and Michael for the next episode of her show.
1. Part One

Two parter. Pretty self explanatory.

Disclaimer: Meg Cabot owns all characters.

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Lilly turned to face her best friend Mia, who was studying for Algebra with Lilly's older brother Michael. "You're coming over tonight, right, Mia?"

Mia looked up from her notebook, "I dunno," she replied, thinking she really needed an early night after the hectic week she'd had. "I think I might skip it this week, Lil. I want an early night."

"Aw, come on! I need you for my next episode of Lilly Tells It Like It Is."

"I dunno... If I come over we won't get to sleep until late..."

"Please? I really need your help. Come on, Michael's helping too!"

Suddenly the idea seemed much more appealing, but before she could open her mouth to agree, Michael beat her to it.

"I am?" he asked, sounding shocked.

"Oh, that's right, I never told you. Michael, you'll be helping me and Mia tonight with my show. There. Now you know."

Michael hated being bossed around by his younger sister, but the prospect of spending the night with Mia, in a purely friends capacity, of course, wasn't cause for a resounding no. Unless Mia rejected the offer too, of course.

He looked at Mia with a raised eyebrow. "Whatdya say? I'm in if you're in."

Mia was sure she was blushing as Michael looked at her, waiting for her answer. "Uh, sure I guess."

Lilly smiled to herself. "I knew I could count on you two, Come over at normal time, Mia, about sevenish. And dress smartly."

"Why?" both Mia and Michael asked, sensing Lilly was up to something.

"Just because the occasion calls for you to be slightly dressed up."

"What occasion?" Michael dug deeper.

"It's a surprise. But you wouldn't want to be on camera in your sweats anyway. So, Mia, wear a nice dress, and, Michael, wear a shirt and dress pants. Tie is optional."

"Tie is optional?" he echoed, suddenly worried about what he'd gotten himself into.

"Yes. Would you like me to make it compulsory?" Michael shut his mouth. "Good."

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Just after seven o'clock, Mia knocked on the Moscovitz's front door.

She was wearing the red knee length dress Grandmere had picked out at their last Chanel shopping spree. Mia felt over dressed and dorky in it, but she didn't want to be under dressed and she knew she looked nice in it. She wanted to look nice if Michael was going to be there.

Lilly opened the door and ushered her inside.

"Sit here," she commanded, pointing to the couch where Michael was already sitting. He was wearing a purple silk shirt, the top buttons undone. He'd obviously opted not to wear the tie.

Then, without another word, she rushed out of the room and into the dining room.

"Uh, Michael, what's with Lilly?" Mia asked, feeling uncomfortable.

"I have no idea," Michael said, a look of dumbfoundment on his face. "She's had me sitting here for at least half an hour, and she won't tell me a thing."

"I hope it's not too bad," Mia said, thinking the worst. Although she absolutely no idea what the worst could be.

"Don't worry, if we're dressed like this it can't be too bad. And besides, I'm here. If Lilly tries to get us to do something too absurd, I'll stand up to her."

"Good," Mia thought to herself, she always has trouble standing up to Lilly.

After an agonising fifteen minutes, in which Mia and Michael passed by rehashing old Buffy episodes, Lilly called out for them to join her in the dining room.

They hesitantly walked into the dark room, and found Lilly standing there, a small smile on her face and a video camera in her hand, standing in front of a small two seater, candle light table. The normal table had been pushed against the side of the wall.

Michael stopped abruptly. "Lilly, what on Earth are you doing?"

"I'm glad you asked, Michael. My next episode is going to outline a typical teenage date, with all of the anxiety and uncomfortableness that surrounds it. And I couldn't think of two better people to star in it."

"Uh, Lilly, we're not dating," Michael told her, indicating to himself and the scarlet Mia who stood beside him.

"I know," Lilly replied. "But just for tonight you are. Come on, please? It'll be fun. And I have to have another episode of the show ready for editing tomorrow afternoon! I have nothing else to do!"

"How about the art of bribing older brothers? You've mastered that one quite well."

"No, that cannot be taught. It is a gift. Now keep in mind, Michael, if you refuse, I'll tell Mia about that time we played Pitch 'n' Putt at our grandparents'."

"Alright, fine. Whatever. I mean, if you're cool with it, Thermopolis. It wouldn't be too bad to have to pretend to be on a date with me, right?" Michael held his breath as he waited for her answer.

Mia could not think of anything she'd rather be doing, short of actually being on a real date with Michael. But she didn't want either Lilly or Michael to know that. So she put on a pained expression and replied, "Ok. If we must."

"Great!" Lilly explained, rubbing her hands together enthusiastically. "Now, Mia, you sit here, and, Michael, you here."

Mia and Michael took their seats and nervously smiled at each other over the flame of the white candle in the middle of the table. Lilly took her camera and set it up on the tripod.

"Right, now, this is supposed to be a blind date. You two have not met before. Mia, you'll be Joan, and Michael you can be Ted."

"Ted?" Michael asked, disgusted by his name choice.

"And Joan? Couldn't I pick my own name?" Mia whined.

"It's Ted and Joan," Lilly said sternly. "Just remember to act natural, and it'll all come off beautifully. Forget about the camera, and have fun! Now... Go!"

Lilly turned the camera on and peered through the lens, but all she saw was Michael and Mia staring down at their plates, then up at each other, and finally over to Lilly, confused expressions on their faces.

"Cut!" Lilly cried, clearly not impressed with their acting. "What's wrong?"

"Well, on this pretend date, are we supposed to eat pretend food too?" Michael asked.

"Oh, right! One second."

Lily slipped out of the room and into the kitchen, leaving the 'happy' couple to themselves.

"So..." Michael began. "This is weird huh?"

"Yeah," Mia agreed.

"But at least we get food! It'd better be good for all she's making us do."

Mia's heart sank. What did he mean by that? Is it really that horrible to be pretending to be on a date with her?

"Although," Michael continued. "It's not so bad, I guess. She could have set me up with Lana!"

Mia laughed, feeling better.

Just then, Lilly returned with two plates, warm from the microwave.

"What've we got, Lil?" Michael asked enthusiastically as she placed the plates down in front of them.

"Vegetarian lasagne. Enjoy. Now get back to the date."

She ran back to the camera and started recording again.

The room was uncomfortably silent for a minute, all except for the soft hum of the video recorder and the gentle scraping of knives on plates. Lilly emphatically motioned to them to say or do something, and after another pained minute, they did.

"So, how was your day?" Mia asked, picking at her salad.

"It was fine, thanks. How was yours?"

Mia opened her mouth to respond but Lilly had had enough.

"Stop, stop, stop! You're not supposed to be acting like an old, married couple! You're supposed to be young and on your first date. You're supposed to be getting to know each other and you're supposed to be nervous and unco-ordinated!"

"But, Lilly," Michael rebutted. "We already know each other. If we really were on a date we'd be past all the get-to-know-you rubbish."

"Yes, but you're no longer Michael and Mia, you're Ted and Joan. They don't know each other; they've only just met. And even if you two were on a date as yourselves you'd each be a nervous wreck, so just act natural! And like strangers and act natural! Is it really that hard?"

"Ok, Lilly, calm down," Mia said.

"If you two weren't so dense I wouldn't be like this! Now let's try it again!"

Not wanting to be yelled at again, both Mia and Michael tried extra hard to do it right this time.

"So, Joan, what do you like to do in your spare time?"

"Uh, I like to read and write, hang out watching movies with my weird best friend," Mia snuck a look at Lilly, and saw she was scowling. "You know, the usual stuff. What about you?"

"I like reading too. Mostly science-fiction stuff."

"Yeah? Do you like Star Wars? What about the movies?"

"Yeah! But I only liked the first three movies, the original ones. The new ones are a waste of time and money."

"I totally agree. I've seen the first movies so many times I can't keep track..."

Lilly watched their interaction with mild interest. Their conversation flowed quite well and it kept to the getting-to-know-you chatter, but they weren't nervous enough and frankly, they were boring. Lilly knew that if this were a real date they'd both be on the edges of their seats and sweating profusely. "Something has to be done," she thought, a plan brewing inside her mind.

Yawning loudly, she stood up. "My God you guys are boring!" And with that, she stood up and simply walked out of the room, hoping that if they were alone it would feel like more of a real date.

Mia and Michael looked at the now closed door, then back to each other.

"Now what do we do?" Mia asked him, suddenly aware that they were alone in a romantically decorated room.

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	2. Part Two

This is the second, final part. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Meg Cabot owns all characters.

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Mia and Michael looked at the now closed door, then back to each other.

"Now what do we do?" Mia asked him, suddenly aware that they were alone in a romantically decorated room.

"Well, the camera's still rolling, I say we just continue. Besides, I'm not finished eating and this lasagne is surprisingly good."

"Ok." Mia went back to eating and tried not to think of Michael as the boy she was in love with. Instead, she concentrated on him being Ted, a blind date she didn't really know.

Michael was nervous now too. They'd been on this 'date' for quite some time and their meals were almost finished. Now that Lilly wasn't here, what were they supposed to do? Continue their fake date? Or call it off as soon as they were done eating?

And if they continued, was he expected to kiss her? He wanted to, that was for sure, but would she want him to? Fake date or not?

Unsure, Michael ate his meal slowly, dragging the process out so he could think it over some more.

But eventually the meals wore down to only a few pieces of lettuce and Mia and Michael just looked at each other. "What now?" Mia whispered through gritted teeth.

"I don't know. I guess we say goodbye, get up and leave?"

"Ok," Mia replied, then she resumed her Joan persona. "Thanks for dinner, Ted. I had a really good time."

"No problem," Michael replied, standing up and stepping to the side of the small table. Mia stood up too. "We should do it again sometime."

Michael hesitated for a second, then he made up his mind. If he kissed her and she kissed back, then great! But if she didn't kiss back, he could just say he was just doing what Ted would do at the end of a date. Either way he still got to kiss her, and his ass was covered.

"Well goodnight," he said, leaning in.

Mia nearly started hyperventilating when she saw Michael leaning in. But she supposed he was still acting as Ted so she kissed him back. Half because she was acting, and half because she really, really wanted to.

Michael pulled back slightly from the lingering kiss, his heart pounding against his chest and his face still inches from hers, "Mia, I..."

"Joan," she interrupted, opening her eyes to gaze directly into Michael's brown ones.

"What?"

"I'm supposed to be Joan," Mia whispered to him.

Michael's heart sank. She'd had only kissed him back because she was Joan and he was Ted. Not because she was Mia and he was Michael.

"Uh, right." Michael stepped back, embarrassed. "I'll give you a call sometime then, Joan." Then he turned and walked out of the room, shaking his head.

Lilly had heard Michael's footsteps in the hall and came out of the kitchen just in time to see him disappearing into his bedroom. She found it hard to believe that that could be a good sign.

Mia came out a minute later and announced she was going to bed.

"What happened?" Lilly asked.

"Nothing," Mia replied, grabbing her pyjamas and heading to the bathroom.

"Yeah right nothing happened," Lilly thought to herself, walking into the dining room to see for herself on the video camera.

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Playing ignorant to the information she'd gotten from the video camera the night before, Lilly asked Mia about it at breakfast again the next morning while Michael was still asleep.

"So what happened after I left last night?"

"Nothing," Mia said quickly. "Why would you think anything happened? What could have possibly have happened?"

"Whoa, calm down. I'm not accusing you of a crime or anything, Mia. I just want to know what you guys did. Did you finish the date?"

"Oh. Yeah we did."

"And? How was it?" Lilly pushed.

"Ok, I guess."

"So Michael didn't try to hit on you or anything"

"Ha! Yeah right, Lil."

"No goodnight kiss then?"

Mia blushed deep red and didn't answer.

"I knew it! Michael kissed you!"

"No… But Ted kissed Joan," she admitted shyly, expecting Lilly to blow up at the through that her best friend and brother locked lips, even if it was only acting.

"Excuse me?"

"Well you said that Michael kissed me, and he didn't. We were acting, that's all it was."

"Are you sure?" Lilly doubted that Michael had been acting, and she'd seen the tape.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you sure Michael was acting when he kissed you?"

"Of course." Mia's response was automatic, but afterwards she couldn't help thinking about what Lilly had suggested.

Michael HAD called her Mia after, not Joan. And he had walked off quickly. But it's absurd to think that Michael would have wanted to kiss her, wasn't it?

Lilly recognised Mia's confused expression and knew exactly what her slow friend was thinking.

"Not so sure anymore are you?" she asked her.

"No, no that's preposterous... I was Joan... He was Ted... That's all it was..." Mia didn't sound confident in what she was sputtering out, and she didn't feel it either.

"Whatever you say." Lilly picked up her bowl and put it in the dishwasher. Then she left Mia to stew over her cereal.

Out in the hallway Lilly ran into Michael himself, who was just coming out of the bathroom.

"Hey, stud," Lilly joked.

Michael only grunted in reply.

"I left you something in the kitchen."

"What's that?"

"Go and see for yourself. Enjoy!"

Lilly skipped off into her room and Michael walked into the kitchen to find what Lilly had supposedly left for him.

But when he walked in, nothing look out of place in the tidy kitchen. Except Mia; she was sitting at the table looking puzzled.

"Hey," Michael greeted her, opening the pantry to find his breakfast.

"Oh, hi, Michael... Did you sleep well?"

"Uh huh. Do you know if Lilly left anything here for me?"

"Um, not that I know of. I didn't see her leave anything."

"Oh, it's probably nothing."

Michael put his bowl on the table and opposite Mia.

"Michael?" Mia said quietly, not even sure of what she wanted to say.

"Mmm?"

"Last night... When you kissed me..."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I just thought that that's what Ted would have done. You know, at the end of the date." Michael could feel his face getting hot as he said it.

"Oh, so it was just Ted kissing Joan then. Ok."

Michael's ears pricked up. "What? Did you think it was me kissing you, Thermopolis?"

"What? No of course not! I just... Oh, I don't know.

"Thermopolis, what would you have done if I had kissed you?"

"Michael, you did kiss me."

"No. I mean if I, Michael, had kissed you, Mia. Not Ted. Not Joan. Just you and me." Michael held his breath.

"I... uh... I would... um..." Mia stuttered and stumbled over her words, not knowing what to say.

"Forget I asked, Thermopolis," Michael said, his tone a little harsh.

After a minute of pained silence, Mia spoke up. "Michael, would you even have wanted to kiss me?" She had no idea where the courage to ask that was, but somehow it just slipped out.

Michael turned to face her. "I already did."

"Huh?"

"That wasn't Ted last night, Mia. I was hoping it wasn't Joan either, but obviously I was wrong." Michael stood up and picked up his now empty bowl.

Shocked at what she'd just heard, Mia stood up too. "Wait," she said as Michael made his way to the sink. "That wasn't Joan. Well, it was, but I covered myself over because I didn't want you to know the truth."

"The truth?"

"Yeah." Mia looked at the ground, not believing what she'd just told Michael, and not believing what she knew she was about to tell him.

"And what is this truth?"

"Well, I kind of like you, Michael..."

Michael was flabbergasted. He stepped towards her and put his bowl on the bench. "So if I were to kiss you right now, it wouldn't be Joan kissing back?"

Mia gulped and shook her head.

"Then I won't be Ted either," Michael told her as he stepped closer and closed the gap between them completely.

"So does this mean you like me too?" Mia asked a minute later.

"You could say that," Michael grinned at her.

"Hallelujah!" Lilly cried, walking back into the kitchen and clapping her hands dramatically. "It took you guys long enough. I thought you were never going to get it together!"

"Lilly, did you set all of this up?" Michael asked, uncertain as to be angry or glad for his sister's interference.

"Of course!"

"And are you really going to use that footage on your show?"

"Oh, God no. You guys were BORING."

"Thanks, Lil," Mia joked. "So what are you going to do for your show then?"

"Oh, well, I've been filming Michael sleeping for weeks now. The male subconscious is absolutely fascinating."

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There it is, only two parts. I hope you liked it, now review!


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